Idle
by Writing On The Walls
Summary: Heaven is like hell without you. Malec.


His last memories were of darkness, suffocating and a heart wrenching scream that he quickly registered as being his own.

And then, nothing.

He vaguely remembered a feeling of numbness, a dizzy sort of sickness (like he was drowning in air) and then, nothing again.

After that, the first thing he remembered was light. A mind-numbingly, piercing white light. Where in the world was he? He was suddenly aware of a rhythmic buzzing noise, and the fact that he was lying in a shallow puddle of water.

But his mind was suddenly elsewhere, as thoughts of _MagnusMagnusMagnus _flashed into his mind. Where was _Magnus_? He had been there a minute ago! He was, he was! Where was_ Magnus_? _MagnusMagnusMagnus_? Where was.. Where was..

Where was he?

He slowly sat up, eyes scanning curiously. There were..Clouds? And light. And water. Okay, that much was obvious. He..He..Where?

Eventually, he concluded that he was dead. This empty, blinding place was obviously a heaven of some sort. He laughed out loud when he looked down at the shaky reflection of himself, in the calm, clear water. He just looked so different.

His whole body was rune free, and his hands were void of all the cuts and marks that had tainted his pale skin for so, so long. But his eyes. He stared straight into them, and his laughter echoed around the empty place, and he threw himself to the floor and laughed and cried and laughed and cried. Because his eyes! His eyes! They were so.. Empty! How could he.. What could he.. Dead.. _Magnus_.

He sat in the shallow pool of water for centuries. Or years. Or seconds. Or weeks. He wasn't sure. Time seemed to roll into one big messy blob of nothing. Who even knew if such a thing as time existed in this place, this echo of a heaven (because how could it possibly be heaven without _MagnuMagnusMagnus_?)

Where the hell am I?

The answering voice was one that belonged to his younger brother, (though he didn't remember saying words out loud) so soothing, and concise, and, and.. Why was everything so bizarre here?

After their first meeting, most of the time they spent together was in silence, because what could be said between them? So much, so little, but where to start? Besides, they had the rest of eternity to engage in idle chatter. For now, silence was enough.

And how could he even begin to comprehend talking about anything other then _MagnusMagnusMagnus. _So silence it was.

He was aware of Max disappearing from time to time, a lack of movement, fidgeting, long periods of silence, more silent then when he was present. But that wasn't unusual. Not really.

It crossed his mind to ask where the boy had been disappearing to, and his answer was a mischievous smile and a tiny twinkle in an eye.

_I've been waiting for you to ask. Come, I'll show you._

And then there was _Magnus_. Beautiful, dazzling, amazing _Magnus._ _MagnusMagnusMagnus_, and he couldn't stop himself from lunging at the warlock, butbutbut..

_He's not dead yet,_ came the whispered response to his unasked question. _But say his name or anyone else's, and well, you'll see._

And he would sit and weep, until he could weep no more, until all his emotions had dripped onto the pale clouds beneath him, until he felt nothing at all, nothing but a dull aching in his chest for _MagnusMagnusMagnus._

Jace and Clary had three kids, and Alec would often sit and watching them wistfully. 20, 18, 12. How long had he been gone for? Jace was 23 last Alec knew, but now..

What did it even matter?

Izzy had settled down with a man Alec had never seen before, and his heart ached that he'd never been able to share things like that before, because he had..

And then there was _Magnus_. _Magnus_ whose arms were wrapped around, lips pressed against a young, black hair boy.

And after that, he forgot how to do anything but scream.

He never missed the tears though. When _MagnusMagnusManus_ bright smile disappeared, and he dropped his mask, took off the glitter and sat on his plush blue couch, he would sob and sob and sob. The thought hat he should care why crossed Alec's mind, but he pushed it away, because he was far, far past caring. He didn't care anymore. He didn't, he didn't..

So why were tears pouring down his face? Why should he care about someone, who'd obviously forgotten all about him? Someone who he'd presumed would be his forever. How could he have been so stupid?

Why did Alec let the silly delusion that _Magnus_ would still love him after all this time, enter his head? _Magnus_ would live for years, and years. He probably didn't even remember Alec's name anymore.

Alec never saw anyone else, but Max simply claimed that it was because he never went looking. Of course there were thousands of people here, billions of them. Alec would just rather be alone with his thoughts.

And images of _MagnusMagnusMagnus_. (Who was in love with someone else now. Someone who was not Alec.)

_He loved you, you know. _Jace, of course it was Jace. He was sure to show up soon enough. Alec had sat through the funeral, watched the tears fall, and wandered how his own had gone. If _Magnu_s had shown up. If _Magnus_ had cried. If Magnus had..

**Loved.** That was the problem.

Sometimes, he heard music. Dull, haunting music. He was sure he was imagining it, but it was so strange, so foreign, that he wasn't entirely sure.

Then the music would be blocked out by thoughts of MagnusMagnusMagnus, and the pretty girl with the stunning blue eyes, who had replaced the tiny boy with the long black hair.

After a while, Clary had shown up too, along with Isabelle, who informed him rudely of their parent's death. The news surprised Alec, as he hadn't seen them around, didn't think to check up on them, and they had supposedly been dead for years. He felt guilty for not knowing, for not caring. They were all smiles and hugs and we missed you so much's.

Why did Alec have to do everything by himself around here? He was so, so..

_Magnus_ was slitting his wrists. Alec felt a dull ache of something long forgotten, but it was gone before he could blink. Who cared anymore, right?

_Magnus_ was lying on the bathroom floor, discarded pills and a bloody knife lay discarded on the floor. Of course it wasn't going to help, it wasn't going to work. Butbut..

Alec was aware of tears pouring down his face, but couldn't place the emotion behind them. All he could register was how unfair it all was, how unfair everything was.

How unfair it was that some could choose death, whilst others clung so desperately to life.

A millennia later, _Magnus _showed up.

His eyes were bright, his skin was flushed and his hair was just as shiny as Alec had remembered. (It took every ounce of willpower that that Alec possessed, not to run to the warlock and wrap his arms around him and..)

**No.**

_Alec, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I-_

**No.**

_I was so afraid of being alone forever. I didn't know how I was going to get over you, I-_

**No.**

_I need you. I died to be with you, I-_

**No.**

_Alec, please._

**No. You promised me forever.**

_And I'm here to give it to you._

And then there were arms wrapped tight around each other, lips meshed together, fingers intertwined and then, silence.

Because they had the rest of eternity for words. For now, this was enough.

* * *

I was in an odd state of mind when I wrote this, which was a while ago. I really need to stop being so lazy. As usual, I own nothing. Everyone always writes about Magnus after Alec died, so I decided to do it the other way around. I hope you enjoyed! Crit is loved (: So feel free to leave a review with any comment at all.


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